Confusing Signals

So my Dad is home with us and on hospice care. What does that mean? No one knows, really. Medicine is an inexact science. While his kidney output increased (good sign) his kidney's filtering function still isn't working (bad sign). His legs are a little stronger (good sign) but he also seems more tired and sleeping more (not so good sign). So it's hard to tell and a bit confusing to know what's going on inside of him. Everyone is different, and he's otherwise pretty healthy, so maybe that's why. It's just hard to plan and look ahead - we're just caring for him, sitting around, and waiting.

I am grateful for the help we're getting. My brother and sister have really put themselves out to be here, and we have nurses come at night to sit with him so we can get our sleep. The daytimes are our turn to watch him and help him, so a lot of work getting done at the kitchen table and some things being put off or cancelled. But we have very kind and understanding friends, church, and work, so we've been good so far. It's just hard being out of routine, sitting around so much, always being ready to jump up and help, and trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for our kids.

My workouts have also been put on the back burner for the past almost two weeks now. Hopefully I can get back to them soon - that will help me feel better and more like myself. But I keep reminding myself what a blessing this time is. If he would have passed away in his sleep, then I would have had no time with him at the end. But we have been given these days and weeks to love him to the end - and for that, I am thankful.